Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Infidelity: Where Does It Begin?

I dreamt about my ex-husband last night. Disturbing? A little, since we’ve been divorced for over fifteen years. But in my defense, I will mention that before I fell asleep, I was reading a copy of “Grown Folks Business” by Victoria Christopher Murray, which deals with infidelity. The husband didn’t actually commit a sexual act, but he fell in love with someone else, a man.

Some folks would disagree and say that the main topic was homosexuality and the down low trend, which I’ve been aware of since the eighties, but is just now coming to light in the mainstream world. And they’d be right. In fact we both would, because there are many issues being touched in this story and since matters of importance are subjective, and this is my blog...I’m going with the infidelity issue this morning…lol.

Merriam Webster defines infidelity as unfaithfulness to a moral obligation : DISLOYALTY marital unfaithfulness or an instance of it. The protagonist’s husband, Quentin, is clear to point out that although he’s in love with someone else, it has nothing to do with sex and although he doesn’t come out and make a bold statement, by the author’s skillful wording, his very tone comes through loud and clear and you get the idea that he feels confident in, and maybe even takes pride in the fact that he has not been unfaithful.

Which segues nicely into the question: Where does infidelity begin? How is it defined? Does it begin the moment we entertain thoughts about others beside our spouse and refuse to squash those thoughts? Or does it begin only when we proceed to act out our thoughts?

(Now if you've taken note of my skillful wording, you should have figured out which way I'm leaning...lol)


Jeff said...

From a biblical standpoint, Jesus said that whoever lusts after a woman has committed adultery in his heart. I think the adultery mentioned there is primarily against God, for as Christians we are His "bride." But if we are married, then the adultery is against our spouse as well.

Men are visual, and you'll find few men who aren't physically attracted to an attractive woman (admittedly, what's attractive is at least partly determined by the norms of the day). But if a man follows through on that and dwells on the woman, or if he seeks time with her at the expense of his spouse, then that may well be adultery. I think ultimately it's where the heart is that is the deciding factor.

kdubs said...

Wowzers. Great question. I believe it is what one does with his/her thoughts. I can think a man is attractive but if I let my mind wander either sexually or emotionally with this man I have commited a form of infidelity. And it is a lie that physical infidelity is worse than emotional, I lost someone I loved very much because he had an emotional affair and we never recovered.

Dee said...

Hi Jeff,

Well said, thanks.

Dee said...

Hi Karen,

I'm sorry to hear about your loss, but stand still and see what the Lord will provide for you.

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