A Little Christian Humor

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering. Finally fed up, God said,

"THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job.

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

They moused.

They faxed.

They e-mailed.

They e-mailed with attachments.

They downloaded.

They did spreadsheets!

They wrote reports.

They created labels and cards.

They created charts and graphs.

They did some genealogy reports.

They did every job known to man.

Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.

Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off.

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.

Jesus just sighed. Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically,screaming "It's gone! It's all GONE! "I lost everything when the power went out!"

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work.

Satan observed this and became irate. "Wait!" he screamed. "That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?"

God just shrugged and said, "JESUS SAVES".

It Couldn't Happen to Me!

You are quite sure, it’s
someone else’s story.
Maybe the women you
counsel at church, or the women you visit at the shelters, a co-worker or two, but definitely not you! After all, you are the First Lady,* you commiserate, console, and pray for or with others, and not the other way around, at least not for this! Maybe this is just a bad dream from which you have yet to awaken?

How can the man you see with your very own eyes, heal the sick, give hope to the downtrodden, contradict himself so—by coming home to use those same healing hands to pummel you?

Sister**--Abuse doesn’t care who you are, what you look like, what job you have, what friends you keep, in what neighborhood you live or even which gender you are. Yes, it is obvious that your spouse needs help, but at this point in time, the best way to help him is to help yourself!

Get out--get help!

Then from a safe distance, you can see that he gets help. But the primary concern at this point in time—is you. No it’s not selfish. You need to be wise as a serpent and harmless as a dove. In other words, realize that your love alone cannot cure him. God’s love has the ability to cure him, but he has to submit to assistance from one of the many tools God has provided for his assistance. We call them—counselors.

*That’s church talk for the Pastor’s wife
**Not a racially motivated statement. If you have the necessary biological equipment, then you are my sister.

Adversity: There is a Silver Lining

"I don't quite see

dead people as

yet...but a few

more months of

this and I'll be one

of them!"

Adversity is defined as a state or condition contrary to one of well-being or an instance of misfortune. Well...that sounds about right. I just seem to have used up my quota-- and that of a few friends and family members as well.

The scripture states "All things work together for good for they who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose." Until recently I had issues with that scripture because it just didn't make sense to me. My thoughts ran the gamut of, I'm almost homeless and that has a purpose? I don't quite see dead people as yet, but gimmie a few more months of this and I'll be one of them...this has a purpose? My fiance is about to become a father, and I'm not pregnant, umm...still searching for the purpose.

Sometimes it may be that we’re not in the right location, and we know it but we’re reluctant to move. So God allows the circumstance that causes us to move to where we’re supposed to be.

Sometimes, we may need to be cut off from all our tasks, duties, jobs, entertainment, so that we can spend time by ourselves and hear the voice of God.

Sometimes we may take credit for the gifts of God, so God allows the downsizing, the voice loss, the carpel tunnel, and so forth so that we may realize, that we of ourselves can do nothing with out Him.
But before we can find the silver lining in our adversity, we need to give into it. Give into it? Yes.

Sometimes we're so busy striving against the adversity we don't pause to examine the purpose. Oops, I said the "P" word didn't I?

Ah well, it can't be avoided. Pausing the struggle takes our eyes off of the circumstance long enough so that we can see the underlying message. After coming out of two years of poverty and depression, I can now say that I truly understand that adversity is a tool that shows us exactly who we are so that the necessary process that leads to refinement can continue. So, no He doesn't want or will bad to or for you or me, but when He allows it, I’ve learned three things:

• He doesn't allow more than I can bear, so I take comfort in the knowledge that my God has confidence in me!
• Even when it breaks me down till I'm weakened and torn. I take courage in the knowledge that at my weakest His strength I'll secure.
• Even when it seems to go on and on. I remind myself that although He never seems to come when I think He should, He always manages to be right on time!