I've Got a Testimony!

This is where I share my reasons for writing and self-publishing my book and ebook and why I have three more in the works that I will also self-publish with no intent to search out and garner the baptism of the traditional publishing arena. If it happens, fine, if not--fine too. (I really mean that!)

I was asked recently in one of my Yahoo Groups for writers, "Why do you write?"

Nothing will make you more introspective about yourself than when someone asks you why you do something that you do. In this world today, we do so many things out of habit or circumstance that we seldom examine our reasoning anymore. So when asked your purpose you almost feel the need to come up with something grandiose or hyper spiritual that will make folks oooh and ahhhh. (Or maybe that's just me?)

So when asked this question I thought to myself, That's easy, because I'm good! That thought was immediately followed by, You can't say that! It sounds vain--arrogant even.

Okay, then, can I say that I was called to write? That God recently showed me that it is my purpose for being here and that my not using His gift robs those intended to receive its benefits?

Ummm... why don't you just let go a super sized, noxious fart? (Sorry mom.) It would have the same effect--clearing the "virtual" room in less than sixty seconds.

So okay, my response would take a little more soul searching than I'd previously thought. I then sat in front of my computer and started typing these words; when I was through I felt satisfied that not only were they not grandiose, hyper spiritual, vain glorious, arrogant or condescending (I threw that last one in for free... LOL)--they were simply my reality.

So to answer the question: Why do you write?

My Answer:

As a child, I wrote to keep an account of the good things I’d never want to forget;

As a teen, I wrote as a silent cry for help;

As a young adult, I wrote the things I hoped one day to forget;

As a thirty-something woman, I wrote for catharsis, clarity, and peace;

Now I write for the pure joy of expression with the hope that with every word I share, I might support or prevent someone from going where I’ve been.

Okay now, I'll stop the stalling and move right on to the testimony:

Statistics state that 1 out of 3 women report their experience of abuse. I'll warrant that the actual number is more like 1 out of 2, since many women, the ethnic contingent in particular, are leery about outside assistance from the police, counselors, or even the church for that matter. That number is way too high and something needs to be done.

Sometimes, as in my case, women experience more than one form of abuse all at once or at different stages in their lives. I personally experienced spousal abuse secondhand, the onset of bipolar disorder at fourteen, incest at age seventeen, date rape at age twenty-two, and a nervous breakdown at age thirty-six. So you see, it's only because of the grace of God that I am still here today and relatively sane.

I had no one that I felt I could talk to, my family was quite dysfunctional. Everyone else was dealing with their own hurts and maybe we felt that talking about it--verified its existence so as part of our denial we suffered in silence. (We've grown since then--thank God).

At this point in my life, the burning compulsion is to do as much as I can to "reach the lost at any cost" (a phrase borrowed from my pastor). Trust me: When your trust has been violated by someone in the position of protector--you are lost. For who then can you trust? If your faith in God is not where it should be--in your mind, God then becomes a part of your problem and not your solution.

As someone raised in the church, I was lost. It's only three years ago that I actually began the road to healing. How? Why? Because I'd tried it all myself. I was angry at the world. I fought tooth and nail with God (yes it is possible to do so and live--not a victorious life, but an existence of sorts.)

This all came to a head when I crashed and burned. I finally admitted that I really couldn't make it without Him and as such--hellified as my life had been my experiences had placed me in a position to be of assistance to others. (Probably folk as hard-headed as me ... LOL.)

Now I'm overweight and in the worst shape of my life, physically. But mentally (aside from a few days out of the month when the bipolar cycle does its thing) and spiritually--I have never been better and I grow every day.

Do I have relapses? Heck yeah!

Do I still question God? At times.

But at the end of the day, I can truly say:

All things work together for good for they who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose. --Romans 8:28

Thanks for reading..

Peace,
Dee

This post is linked with Faith Filled Friday.