Just Thought I'd Share

Journal Entry for Saturday, March 4, 2006 spiffied up and edited September 22, 2010 for Divine Perspective.

Topic: Divine Placement

Good morning, folks!

It seems as though I'm always apologizing to you all for my neglect, so once again I apologize. Even as I do so, I know I should really be writing--but I just had to share this little snippet.

Ever set a goal, go after it determinedly, and when you achieve it, almost regret having done so? Sound crazy? Let me elucidate.

I love to eat! My personal relationship with my intake has been like no other in my lifetime. That being said, I went into the cafeteria at work yesterday, ostensibly for a nice, tall, 16 oz. glass of icy water. In the past month and a half I have been making a concentrated effort to drop my membership in the big girls club. No great gym membership, no sweating to the oldies, no Pilates workout for dancers, just a simple premise: when I’m full, stop eating. Easy, right?

So there I was in the cafeteria, accompanied by Jeanne, the temp who assists me with filing and other tasks, when suddenly I found myself over at the omelet stand. Friday is omelet day at work, and can I tell you a little secret? Unless I make them myself, omelets make me nauseated. But scrambled eggs, which they also make at the omelet stand, do not.

Suddenly water wasn’t good enough. I found myself ordering a scrambled egg with onions and sausage (yes, sausage in the first few days of Lent). I realized the Lent thingy after the sausage was already on the cooker, so, loathe to create more work, I just let it go--after all, it was an honest mistake, wasn’t it?

Barbara, the cafeteria worker who was making the, well, omelet (what else is a huge scrambled egg that is chopped up and combined with onions and sausage minus the cheese?) did her thing, and I nibbled a bit of it and it tasted better than ever.

Well, who can eat eggs without bread? How about a cinnamon-raisin bagel with real butter and a 16 oz. glass of orange juice (with ice in a separate cup so we can really get 16 oz. of juice--don't act like you haven't done that)?

I piled it all onto a tray, plus the water I'd originally sought, and Jeanne and I headed back to our work areas. I proudly showed my breakfast to the recently hired compensation manager, Michelle, whose office faced my cube. She showed creditable awe, and I proceeded to wade into my treat with gusto. After all, it was payday. Aren't you supposed to splurge on payday?

Less than four minutes later, I began to experience an alarming sensation--fullness. I looked at my plate. Barely a third of its contents were gone. This can't be, I thought to myself in dismay. My memory went back to the night before, when I'd tried to eat a full plate of food and experienced the same problem. It wasn't just a fluke!

I reached out to Michelle, exhibiting my disgust. "Would you believe this! I finally accomplished what I wanted--stomach shrinkage--but only a third of my breakfast is gone! It hurts me to throw away two-thirds of my food, but who eats cold eggs?"

Michelle said to me, "Did it taste good?"

"Yes."

"Did you enjoy it while you ate it?"

Getting an inkling of where she was going, I was a little slower in responding.

"Yees."

"Then it's okay to throw it away."Noooooooo! I knew it! There it was: the choice. After years of conditioning as a child ("eat all that food; clean that plate--there are hungry children in China!"), it was time to face reality.

Not one to give up, I shoveled in two more forkfuls, but I was aware that now that I'd spoken up about the issue, I couldn't really sit there and try to finish the plate. I got up to throw the eggs and barely touched sausage away (the smell in my bin would have been waay too much torture).

As I stood at the bin, close to the restroom, I couldn't resist furtively shoveling in a few more forkfuls. No one was around--no one really cared. It wasn't like Michelle was going to come around the corner to stand over my shoulder or anything. Still, when you know you're wrong, guilt (or sin-consciousness) is an ever-present companion.

Finally, I regained control and tilted the contents of the plate into the garbage. What a rush! Reluctant? Yes. Guilt over waste? Yes. Guilt at pushing the envelope a bit? Yes. But way down deep, a sense of pride emanated from my spirit to envelop my limbs as I felt goose pimples raise all over my skin. I'd done it. I'd done what I should have done. But I hadn't exactly done it alone. Wasn't it fortuitous that I'd been outspoken to Michelle and she'd said exactly the right thing?

I shared this sentiment with Michelle when I returned to my desk. Her simple response was, "I know how it is."

What's my point?

God places the people we need around us at the times we need them. Sometimes it's obvious, sometimes it's subtle, but if we remain open, they are able to step forward and bless us at the opportune moment.

Michelle's simple words freed me from the shackles of conditioning that had become a law in my life so that I was able to walk in grace and continue the path toward good health and the future of better housing for my spirit.

I encourage you to look around you today. Appreciate the people God has positioned just for you and try to discern those for whom God has positioned you.

That’s my sharing-and-caring moment for today. Have a blessed day, and I will now fade to black . . .

Love,